(tuesday faded into wednesday)
i don't think like most people. or maybe i just use that as a coping mechanism to cover the fact that i think too much.
today is longer than just a day. i didn't see a point to go to sleep last night i just wasn't tired. i decided to [attempt] repair my laptop before spending the money to get another one. the youtube video for my exact model was sped up. i grew tired of having to rewind it several times to digest the steps, and just relied on my memory for much of the process. after the nerves subsided i just went for it. getting it apart was pretty neat. so many screws!! no, really....so many damn screws. when it came time to put it back together i neglected to rely on or even watch the 'reassembling' part of the video. i fumbled through the process of putting it together. and it was much like my life: it took a few tries and backtracking to get it done right.
the decision to work on what i've been given is aligned with my usual blind determination to figure everything out on my own which usually means i'm doing 'it' the hardest way possible. working for over an hour - i took the machine apart, confirmed my suspicions regarding the cause for malfunction, then put it together solely from memory. when i was done. i plugged in the adapter, took a deep breath and pressed the power button. when it started up i felt the familiar comfort of doing something my way and succeeding. proud and surprised and relieved. during clean-up i found an extra 18 screws. at this moment the rush of familiar, "oh shit...welp can't be perfect" washed over me. i finished at 3-something-am
i didn't go to sleep due to fear that i would oversleep and let my bonus-son (here-after referred to as "my son") down. i promised him i'd visit the school book fair with him to purchase a few books he was interested in. i planned to surprise him at lunch with a chipotle burrito. it was a success. i spent time with him and rejoiced at his acknowledgement that burrito the way he likes it. the sense of pride and satisfaction was rewarding and meaningful. the bond he and i have is unique and i love the relationship we have. being a step-mom, ahem, bonus-mom is a challenge and a privilege.
this is the first wednesday that i no longer work for baker hughes. my peace and calm has not been shaken. 3 of my friends/coworkers confirmed they were laid off yesterday. two are angry, but all three are stressed about supporting their families. one of them has a spouse that was laid off 4 weeks after they had their second child. their spouse has now been out of work for 7 months and losing their job is a devastating blindside.
i am happy. few people understand this. i've spent the last 5 almost 6 days telling everyone that i'm okay and listening to their concern and disregard for my words. i have so many plans. i have freedom. the stress of political bs and stressors out of any of my/our control. i'm blessed and have so much opportunity.
